life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
