I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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