The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
