What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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