Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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