He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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