I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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