I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
