The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
