Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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