You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
