full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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