are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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