I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
