if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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