now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
