just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
