You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
