I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i drank out of a bidet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
