i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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