I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i out mim tonsoeep
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