Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
