How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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