Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
