I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
