She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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