She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
