she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
