god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
