I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
