To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
