In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
