community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
