I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize