honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
