omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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