This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
