i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
