I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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