hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
