My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize