I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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