Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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