Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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