how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
