It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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