every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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