she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
