I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
