i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
