he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
