So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
