I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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