You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
