I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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