Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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