You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
