Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
