Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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