She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
do nipples grow back?
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