Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
