i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
