covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
