i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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