There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
