i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
