Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
