I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
