all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What drink are we having for lunch?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
