Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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