Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
