I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
