You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
